Nothing to Say

The words lie dormant, the emotions strong. And yet silence prevails. It must always prevail.

Like Gravel

So the week winds to a close and I look about at my mess-strewn apartment, knowing that on Sunday I will be able to resume some sense of normalcy in my life again. Each night this week I came home and just dropped things on a spare bit of carpet before sitting down to catch my breath. I physically felt like a two-ton truck had just rolled over me with those cement roller wheels you see, the ones that are made of stone and roll the cement or gravel into a nice smooth surface, crushing everything beneath it. Smooth I was not, but crushed, yes, that would be an apt description.

A Woman Without A Country

It's 10:30 pm and I'm searching my cupboards for something to eat. The only problem is that I don't have anything fattening (ie. cheddar cheese or vegenaise, preferably both on a slice of white bread) and I don't want to eat anything sweet because if I can wait till next Monday to eat sweets, then I can buy my favourite DVD as a reward for going 1 month without sweets except on Sabbaths. And boy was that month long! It felt like about 12 months! So I have to content myself with munching on outdated snacks and boring garlic pretzels instead.

Yesterday I worked 12 hours to get ready for registration. Today the morning flew by in a blur as we registered about 25 new students in preparation for a new year to start. I'm super exhausted and am so grateful that this weekend we don't have to do anything extracurricular and that I have no major plans.

Today was a good day. Haven't had many of those lately. Most of them have been "Dear God, please help me get through the next hour" days. Being the strangely melancholy choleric that I am, I find it difficult to walk in a land of shadows, uncertainties, for such a long period of time. I feel like I've been living in limbo for over five years (make that twelve).

Missing a Pinecone or Two

I just finished making 48 cupcakes for a friend's baby shower tomorrow and I'm super tired! Went camping for about 24 hours and decided that I really am not a country girl. I like my comfort, including my a/c, mattress, and filtered water. Oh yes, and pit toilets (I don't like them). This particular one was quite clean, to my pleasant surprise, but it did host the requisite number of flies that flew about in angry circles, their furious buzzing a minor irritation to say the least. And I did see a mother bear and her cub cross the road (thankfully I was in my car at the time, and at least 50 feet away!) so that was pretty exciting.

My tentmate and I were functioning on very little sleep and when we turned in for the night last night, it was already nearly one in the morning. Amidst many giggles, she finally wiggled into her mummy bag and proceeded to stretch out, only to discover a rather disconcerting matter. Her feet were higher than her head. Neither of us feeling faint at the moment and not needing extra flow of blood to the brain, we decided to sleep with our heads by the entrance of the tent. After shuffling our mats and various asundry items about, we decided to give it another shot. It was much better. Except for the fact that we were, again, on a slope. A rather slippery one as the floor tent was made of plastic. I started the night out with about a foot of space between our sleeping pads and found myself about 15 minutes later with about a millimeter inbetween instead! I replaced my mat, but woke up in the middle of the night right back in the same position, so I gave up. Sleep was more interesting to me at that moment than rearranging my mat every two minutes!

I learned a lot in the past 24 hours. I could probably write a book about it all, but here are a few pithy thoughts:

• It is not nice to make fun of others, even in jest or as a means of explaining something
• Everyone has a right to be heard
• Everyone has the right to have their own opinion
• I need to learn how to accept other people's opinions
• Not every well-meaning action is right
• Injustice exists and Christians are not called to roll over so they can be stepped on; we have a duty to address sin
• Behaviours which used to be seen as aberrations but are now much more common are still not addressed as such
• It's okay to be me

I Only Want My Money Back, Seriously!

So I went to Fry's the other day, right? Well I got home and found out, much to my dismay, that the cleaning tape which the sales representative had assured me was the correct one, would not even fit in my camcorder because it was too big. Rather frustrated, I realized I had to return it before 30 days, or I would be seeing a repeat performance of the time I tried to return a cable on day 31. Needless to say, there was no mercy.

I popped in this morning and a young lady rang up my return. She shoved two full-size pieces of paper towards me and asked me to "sign here, please." I did. Then, instead of receiving my refund, I was directed to go to the line of cashiers to claim my refund. I did so. A second young lady again rang up my return, shoved the papers towards me and asked me to "sign here, please." I did. Then we had to wait another 10 minutes while the computer decided to process the information. After waiting another minute for her to get the printed receipt, I was finally able to leave the store. With my $10.81 in change.

Well, I have vowed that I will not be returning to Fry's again as the customer service there is seriously lacking. Not only that, it appears that if a person pays with cash, they are treated with great suspicion! I think I will be going to Walmart and Best Buy. Oh, Target has the best customer service for returns, by the way!

Random Thoughts

Yesterday my priority date came current for my green card. I was excited and then I proceeded to make and cancel 3 appointments for my medical exam. I think I'll stick with the one I have now.

Today I spent 3 hours working on a project that became a rush one and yet could have been prioritized months ago. I was frustrated.

Tomorrow begins 9 days of madness. Personal and work responsibilities will rush by and not allow me time to rejuvenate. I'm waiting for it to all be over.

Someone's status says "best week ever." My status, if I had one, would read "worst month ever."
 
I do not understand injustice yet my silence is not loud enough to pierce the walls built thick and impenetrable.

A Question

Is it better to be in the world and be lost or to be in heaven and be lost?

Fingers Crossed

It's been one of those days. You start it with high hopes, just knowing that today, the scales will tell you that you've dropped another 2 pounds, today you'll get the news you've been waiting for a month (and actually five and a half years) to hear, today everything will come together like magic at work, and today will be your day.

Then reality hits.

The scales go up instead of down, even though you were extra careful over the weekend to not overindulge. The news you've been waiting to hear is delayed yet another day as government red tape continues to snarl. And of course today would be the day that you have to sit in meetings all day so you can't get any of your pressing tasks done. On top of that, the beetroot salad you make for lunch turns out like mush, the cucumber you bought on Friday has gone rotten already, everyone at work is mad at you because you're not superwoman and refuse to work 18-hour days so that the class schedule (which keeps changing) will get done, and your car got covered in thick red dust (again!) because they decided to move the gravel from the parking lot without letting anyone know.

So it's been one of those days. I guess tomorrow can only get better, right?

Indescribable

I was one of the lucky 50 to receive a copy of the Women of Faith "Worship" CD and it has quickly become one of my favourite CDs to listen to. The CD has got an eclectic mix of upbeat songs mixed in with more peaceful worship songs. The words of the different selections feature hope and faith in a very real God Who cares about us.

The CD has 10 songs, each of them focusing on God and His relationship with us. "Just Wanna Say" and "Glorious" are fun songs, making you want to sing and dance along. For those who like a quieter style, "Lead Me To The Cross" and "Indescribable" reflect on salvation and creation.

My absolute favourite song is one that brought tears to my eyes when I first heard it. "You Are God Alone" reminds us that God is in control, that He is above all the junk we encounter on a daily basis in this rotten world, and that He is God alone. It's my favourite song to turn up loud (when the neighbours are out!) and sing along, knowing that God hears my voice and understands my heart.

If you're looking for a CD to cheer your heart, lift your spirits, or soothe your soul, Women of Faith Worship is an excellent choice.

Note: the above review was written with the contemporary listener in mind. If you prefer more traditional music, this CD may not be what you are looking for.

Feelin' Good!

I feel good. I just spent the last 8 hours doing housework, cooking, cleaning and tidying, and now I have a studio apartment that I am proud of! I still have some deep cleaning to do, as my goal is to get rid of every single thing that I don't use or need, but finally my place is presentable! My mom and sister surprised me with a clean and neat apartment when I came back from Europe in June, but it's been two months since I've purposefully set aside time to get everything in order. Okay, I have been working on it, throwing out or giving away what was just taking up space, but today you can actually see the difference! I'm excited and feel like I am finally getting ahold of my life. Funny, isn't it, what a little housecleaning can do?

Every year on my birthday and on New Year's Day, I like to make some goals and dream some dreams for the coming year. Here's a sneak peek at what I wrote on June 17, 2010:

• Lose weight (30+ pounds)
• Have an exercise routine
• Be active socially
• Volunteer @ a women's shelter
• Write a book

I'm excited to say that I am steadily working towards those goals! I have a daily exercise routine where I walk 2 miles in the morning before breakfast. It's the first thing I do before I've even properly woken up yet and I am feeling healthier, fitter, and less stressed out. My best friend and I have joined a local church's young adult group that meets twice a month to eat dinner and study the Bible together. As for the other goals, I plan to dedicate some serious time to them when I go to half-time at work and have more time in my day. I am looking forward to incorporating some low-impact aerobics into my exercise routine and experimenting with low-fat tasty spreads and soups so I can continue to work on my first goal of losing weight. I also plan to look into volunteering some time each week at a women's shelter or some similar place so I can be a blessing to others and learn more about how to help those who really need it. And finally, I will start serious work on my book (still wavering between a cookbook, my personal story, a weight-loss book, a compilation of some of my posts, or some other ideas I have up my sleeve).

It's only Sunday, but I'm feeling like I've had an excellent start to my week. The best part is that I haven't spent all afternoon stressing out about going in to work tomorrow, because I've been so busy working hard! So here's to the hope of an awesome week and continued success in achieving one's goals.

No More Spam!!!

I'm happy. I've finally found a way to stop the Asian spammers from leaving comments that include links to who knows what! I changed the setting on my blog to allow only members of my blog to comment. While it reduces the possibility that the random reader will be able to leave a cool comment, it doesn't bother me anyhow because I'm blogging to keep up my writing skills. And if someone really wants to comment, they can always follow my blog!

That will be $20, please

I had a couple of hysterical and exciting experiences today, while in town.

We popped in to Frys so I could look for a tape to clean my camcorder. Successful, I headed to the checkout where a friendly young lady rang up my purchase. It was 9.99 plus tax, and she said, "Would you like to put this on your Frys card?" I replied, "No thank you, I'd like to pay cash." So I handed her a $20 bill for the $10.81 charge. She said, "I'll be right back, I just have to validate the bill," and off she went. I stood there thinking how ironic it was, when, I had just handed her good money, declining to pay with a card that would have no money on it and she had to verify the bill!!! Maybe there is a reason why the economy is in crisis!

At Winco we had another exciting experience. We'd just gotten our carts and started into the store, when suddenly the lights flickered and then went out immediately! Someone shouted, "all the food is free!" and everyone stood there, frozen, sort of in shock, and then someone got out their cell phone to give some light and I suddenly thought, "what a good idea" and the lights came back on. Except not all of them, the electricity to the freezers and coolers and vegetables and the phone lines to run the credit-card machines all stayed dead. So we heard several muffled announcements over the intercom saying that people would have to pay with cash or check. Thankfully I'd brought plenty of cash with me, so I continued on my way, undisturbed, as I pinched and prodded the green peppers to find a firm one, bent an English cucumber almost in half to make sure it wasn't squishy and going bad, and scooped up a bagful of fresh green beans. After locating the least wilted bunch of beets, sorting out the freshest mushrooms, and tearing open several ears of corn to make sure they looked good, I headed to pick up a couple of cartons of rice milk and headed to the cash register to check out. The young lady took my cash and did not have to verify any bills with a fancy little machine. I happily reloaded my bagged groceries and we headed home.

Truly, I am Rich

As I filled up my Brita water filter and set it aside to filter water to bring to work tomorrow, I suddenly realized it. I am rich. I never imagined myself so, but I am really rich.

I can afford to filter my water so it tastes better. Millions of people have to walk miles to get water and may not have access to clean drinking water.

I have air conditioning on at night because it helps me sleep better and I don't like the heat. There are people who are lucky to have shelter from the scorching sun or freezing winter snow.

I can choose whether I want to eat tortillas with vegenaise and artichoke or a bowl of cereal with rice milk and fruit for supper. Thousands of children around the world go to bed without supper, and maybe they didn't even have anything to eat that day.

I have a cupboard filled with clothes for work, exercise, church and relaxation. There are people who have one shirt and one skirt or pair of trousers and a pair of flip flops and that is all they have to wear.

I have a car that is paid for and runs and doesn't need repairs and I have money to buy gas to put in it. There are people who take the bus or walk to their destinations, no matter the distance.

I have a job that will be going to half-time but I will still be able to pay my bills if I am careful. There are people who live on maxed-out credit cards or who have to stand with "Anything Will Help" signs on the side of the street.

I have family and friends who love me and who make me a part of their lives. There are people who are all alone in the world or who have lost those dearest to them to famine, flood, earthquake or war.

I know that God cares for me and loves me and that He is in control of the circumstances in my life. Thousands worry about how to survive in this world and don't have hope for the one to come.

I don't live in a fancy house, drive an expensive car, have the latest gadgets, or have a lot of money in the bank. I don't wear designer clothes, take vacations in Tahiti and Hawaii, own the iPhone4 or pay for cable TV. Yet I am richer than over 1,345 million people who exist on $1.25 a day or less. (http://www.worldhunger.org/articles/Learn/world%20hunger%20facts%202002.htm)

It's been a while since I've stopped to think about how blessed I am.