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Thursday, March 19, 2015

Herein is Love

Are you finding value outside of your work? she asked. I looked at the thin black lines on my computer screen, their meaning for a moment as obscure as Egyptian hieroglyphics. Why was she asking me that question? Who gave her permission to peel back a layer of the thick woven barrier I kept tightly wrapped around me? I had to answer her.

No, I'm not, was my honest reply. My value was derived from my work, my studies, and my position as friend, sister, and daughter. I worked hard to keep it from devaluing, doing household chores for a family member, buying thoughtful gifts, anticipating tasks, doing extra credit homework even when I had 100% already, and presenting quality projects.

Take all of that away and what do you have? Me. A woman who is doing her best to be the best only because she's afraid that someday, someone will step up on a stage and say You didn't try hard enough, therefore you won't get it, it being a promotion, health, a spouse, stability, or joy.

I am being very honest, not because I want to be, but because I have to be. Who I am has to be found in more than a career and even more than relationships, precious as they are to me. It must be found in knowing I have value because I am God's daughter, adopted into His family, saved by Jesus' blood and guided by the Holy Spirit.

When two people fall in love, they no longer see the defects in their beloved. The blotchy skin, the extra weight, the nervous tic, the trembling hands. Everything is perfect because the one they love is perfectly loved. Just like God sees me. Perfectly loved in Him.

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