A Place To Be

Learning about moral psychology and all the intricacies of the mind it covers. It's a rather fascinating field of study and for a fleeting moment I thought I would pursue doctoral studies in that area. I'm far from doctoral studies, of course, as I have yet to start graduate studies this summer. I'm excited, though, because a dream of mine is finally being realized. It has slightly changed, I planned to go to a different university, to study psychology and become a marriage and family therapist. Now I find myself about to enter a realm that I have dipped my inquisitive mind into just slightly and I am somewhat apprehensive. Will I manage to make it through? There are some pretty high expectations being placed on me already just based on where I did my undergraduate studies and my personal statement (that I can't for the life of me remember what I wrote!). I'm not a very motivated person when it comes to studies and this particular program requires a lot more independent self-accountability than a campus-based one would. Will I be able to keep myself on task and get things done in a timely manner? How much will I have to invest in the program? Will I still have time for the things that really matter to me: eating supper at the kitchen table & chatting with family, meals out with friends, hikes, adventures, traveling, experiencing life? I don't want to be sub-par in my studies but relationships take priority for me.

As I talked with a friend the other day, we talked about how we're looking for a purpose, a meaning in life. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what mine is. At times I feel frustrated that I'm not more actively involved in ministry. I mean, I do work for a ministry, but my work consists of answering phone calls, filing papers, creating schedules, and other seemingly mundane tasks. I'm not giving hydrotherapy treatments to cancer patients, teaching searching minds to think, building industries in third-world countries to provide people with a livelihood, taking care of orphans in Africa, or running a homeless shelter in San Francisco. When I compare myself with others, I worry that I will never find a true purpose in life. And yet, when I am at work I feel fulfilled and content that I am doing what God has prepared me to do.

I like to think God has created us with desires to do what He has blessed us with talents to be able to do. I'm still thinking about exactly how to bring practical ministry into my career, but perhaps undertaking the tasks He gives me can be one way of finding purpose in life. Perhaps life is not about measuring up to the Joneses even in mission work, but in listening and following God's direction for my own life. After all, He created me and He knows best where I will be happiest.