From the Heart

I should be tidying my room right now. Cleaning the bathroom sink. Reading one of the 3 books I have to finish reading in less than three weeks. Exercising. Cooking. Writing. Doing my accounts. Instead I find myself clicking on "new post" and heading to my blog. For when I feel overwhelmed, I find solace in writing.

Today I am contemplating experiences. Memories. Friendship. Time invested in building our futures. As a third-culture missionary's kid, I've had my share of building relationships over the years, then watching as I lost those closest to me through distance and time. We moved, they moved. And while I've now been blessed to live in a country where I can more easily visit dear friends, I still find myself often missing the experiences we shared and holding tightly to the ones I create now.

Is it worth it? To get to know a person to the point that you know what they will order when you go out to eat, you hear their footsteps or their laughter and recognize them immediately, when you laugh together you laugh from the heart, and you complete each other's sentences? Is it worth the time and emotional energy you pour into your friendship to then watch them leave, because they had to or they chose to?

When I ask this question, then I think about who I was before each person reached out and cared enough to become a part of my life. Each of my best friends have helped to create the person I am today. They've loved me, listened to me, laughed and cried with me. They've taught me how to see the world from a different perspective, to realize that beauty is seen in unexpected places. We've shared spontaneous adventures, serious conversations, and soul-warming moments.

I feel it deeply, every time I have to say goodbye. Sometimes I fear my heart has given away so many little pieces that there isn't very much left. I find myself wondering if I am too weary to start the getting-to-know-you process all over again. Then I imagine my world without friends and I know it would be too dark to live in. Each friend has brought their tiny flicker of light into my life and together have lit it brighter than noonday sun. I am blessed more than I deserve to have been given so many people to love.

So is it worth it? My heart tells me yes. For as I give each piece away, I receive a piece, until my heart is no longer one single colour, one single person's creation. It is a beautiful mosaic of stunning colours, each one representing a person who has been vulnerable enough to love me as I love them.