Frustrated Disorder

I'm a Type A personality. And a perfectionist (though not to the extent that other people I know are). And to add to my list of quirks, I like order.

Unfortunately, it seems that my personality traits are more hindrances than help to me in the environment I find myself in. You would think that with the line of work I've chosen, office administration, that these would complement perfectly with the tasks required. However, it seems to be that what is more important than being organized and detailed and getting things done in an orderly manner is the ability to do a 360-turn and go in a completely opposite direction than you had originally planned.

And yet when I think about it, I want to know why I feel so disconnected and unraveled when my world is constantly scooped out and peeled open so I feel like a piece of discarded avocado skin. Why is it that the ones who rush and change and seem so disorganized are unaffected by their manner of accomplishing things? Why do I struggle so much with allowing everything around me to exist in a state of confusion?

I grew up in the mission field, so apparently I have learned the skills of flexibility and adaptability. I can easily slip into new countries, cultures, and experiences as if I had existed in them for years before. I am most comfortable when around diversity, as monocultural interactions frustrate me with their lack of depth and direction. Somehow, though, perhaps because I have been through so much change, I find myself unwilling to continue the trend of bending.

I refuse to believe that God works best in confusion. I think perhaps God prepares us for change. The familiar verse quoted often, 1 Corinthians 14:33, says that God is not a God of disorder or tumult, but a God of peace. In other words, He is a God of order and a God of peace. 

God created the world in an orderly fashion. He directed Noah and the events leading up to the flood in an orderly fashion. His blueprints for the sanctuary were orderly. His battle with Gideon against the Midianites was orderly. Over and over in the Bible you see examples of how God carefully orchestrated matters such that while confusion reigned in Satan's camp, God's people were prepared as long as they were in His will.

Perhaps that is where it is safest to be then. Psalm 131: 2 says, "Surely I have composed and quieted my soul." To hope in God gives me peace. To trust in His plan gives me a quiet place in the midst of the world's crazy madness and confusion. To be in His will is to know that He is in control and He will direct my path and bring a calm purpose with a clear destination.