I See You

It had been one of those days. Fitful sleep, awake in the middle of the night with a sneezing fit, losing sleep while I waited for my allergy meds to kick in. I was so thankful I'd brought those meds. I showed up late to breakfast, everyone else was nearly done, and I hurriedly ate something as they started clearing the table. Kids running through the house shouting, slamming doors. People constantly talking over and around me as I tried to do my presentation on health. The studies seemed dry, the facts they already knew, and everybody had a story to share. I retreated to my room after a rather tiring day, sent an audio to a friend, and opened up my Bible app. 

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7

A song came to mind, Tenth Avenue North, Fighting For You, and as I listened, the tears finally came. 

Heaven had better be worth it, because if it isn't, then all of this sacrifice was for nothing. The short nights, the loneliness, the difficult beds to sleep in, the anxiety on yet another flight, the unfamiliar foods, the strange people in my house. I could have walked away so many times. 

I listened as the lyrics sank deep down. 

Jesus could have walked away too. There was nothing holding Him down to this earth. Except His love for me. 

Jesus fought with every ounce of His being to resist the devil's temptation to give in, have an easy life, eat nice foods, and receive the false worship of many, because He saw me. And He couldn't stop fighting for me.  

In that moment I realized that even if nobody else saw me, Jesus did. Jesus saw me as He walked to the Mount of Olives. He saw me as He knelt and asked God to take away the cup of suffering He was about to drink. He saw me as the crowd came in the night to arrest Him. He saw me as the Roman soldiers beat Him and placed the thorn of crowns on His head. He saw me as He was pushed and shoved from court to palace, waiting patiently for the guilty verdict. He saw me as He stumbled under the weight of the wooden cross on the road to Calvary. He saw me as the nails were cruelly hammered into His hands. He saw me as the darkness set in, the earthquake shook, and He couldn't feel His Father's presence anymore. He set His face like flint and resolutely committed His spirit into God's hands. And in that last moment before He took His last breath, He saw me. And He knew it was all worth it. Even if heaven was lost to Him. Because He knew I would make it and that was enough for Him. 

So to the one who is going through a difficult time right now, struggling to find their purpose in life, trying their best to make it through the day, I see you. I see your sacrifices, seeming small in the eyes of others, yet they are all you can bring to God today. I see your commitment and determination to keep going, even though you keep falling down, keep making mistakes, and keep messing up. I see how you pick yourself up and try again. I see you. 

And God sees you. And He will keep fighting for you. Even on those days when you feel like you can't.