Remember the Forgotten

Dear Friends,

I would like to share something with you that I have carried in my heart for the past two years. This has been difficult for me, to remember, and also now to share. I want to start by saying that I forgive you for the oversight and I understand that it was not meant to hurt me in any way, despite how I may have felt.

When I came to this country, I attended all the church social events. Weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, birthday celebrations, farewells and more. I paid for my seat on the minivan, I paid for my meal, and I bought a small gift or contributed to the group gift for the deserving person. In the summer of 2019, I started to plan my own wedding. In the office there was excitement as I was told, several times, that there would be a lovely bridal shower for me. I looked forward to that special milestone as I had been to those of many others before me.

As things worked out, I had my civil and first church wedding in another country. However, I planned a second wedding to take place here so we could share the special day with all our friends, especially each of you. We had a lovely ceremony and a fun reception.

But there never was a bridal shower. I heard later that one friend had asked if there was going to be one, and was shrugged off with the reply, “We don’t know if she will even get married because of the paperwork.” While it is true that the paperwork held things up, I saw one couple have a bridal shower after their wedding, so it was possible to do one after the fact.

I still don’t know who would have planned the bridal shower, if there would have been one. Before, the women’s ministries used to plan it, but then they started leaving it up to the bride’s friends. My best friend was on annual leave, so she couldn’t plan anything, and my bridesmaids all lived in other countries, but I thought there were many others who would step up to fill the gap.

I didn’t expect anything fancy. I didn’t need a theme with matching paper plates and designer cupcakes. I didn’t need a photo booth with props or expensive gifts. I would have been happy with juice, chips, and a cake. With a couple of cheesy games and gag gifts. All I wanted was to be noticed. To feel special. To feel supported. To feel loved.

Maybe you thought that, because I attended a bridal shower for another bride, and during one of the games I was dressed up in a toilet paper wedding gown, that I had been celebrated enough. At a bridal shower for someone else. With a theme that matched what her heart longed for. With gifts for her. With little pieces of paper that everyone could write words of advice on to give to her.

I guess what I really want to say is, I felt forgotten by you. I didn’t miss out on feeling special and loved because I arranged a day, my wedding, where it was expected to express those feelings towards a bride. But I am still sad today because I couldn’t experience that from others organically. I didn’t have a bridal shower. I didn’t have a bachelorette party. I will never have a baby shower.

But I forgive you for forgetting me because I understand. I was not worth your time. And I have learned, once again, that I have a calling to remember those who feel forgotten. Because every person is worthy of notice. Even with a cup of juice, a plate of chips, and a slice of vanilla cake.