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Saturday, April 21, 2018

The Heart Speaks in Languages

I don't usually post melancholy things on my Facebook page. When I first got active on social media and started adding anyone who I knew, whether or not we were friends, I began to see that some people used their account to go off about all their problems. Some would use bad language, others were obviously looking for attention, and some were downright mean. I eventually unfriended those, but in the midst of all of that I decided I didn't want to depress other people who were my Facebook friends.

So if you scroll through my Facebook page, you will find posts celebrating life. My blog is where I am more real about the melancholy side of me--free in anonymity. One of my friends, after he hadn't known me all that long, looked at me and told me I was melancholy. I was rather indignant, telling him I was sanguine and choleric, but not that melancholy. Except when I thought about it, he was right.

When I'm feeling particularly melancholy, I think in French. Somehow it seems more romantic, more apropos to the emotion. Spanish is for feeling intelligent in another language; Dutch for the familiar and erudite; Arabic to stretch my brain cells. French is for the heart. L'amour, c'est toujours seul. Seul dans mon chambre. Pensée pour tois, rêver a tois, mais pas avec toi, parce que je suit seul. 

I searched for a French quotation that could somehow capture the feeling but tonight it was a Portuguese word that spoke to me. It's one I've heard before but I'd always thought of it in connection to the many homes I'd left behind that tugged at my heart. Except for tonight.

Saudade--A deep melancholy or nostalgia felt when yearning for someone who is not there.

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