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Saturday, July 23, 2016

25 And Counting

25 hours til I pick up my bags and head out the door to start my trip back home. Except I'm leaving home to go home. It doesn't make sense. Then again, isn't that the life of a global nomad? One that doesn't make sense to anyone else, and often even to me?

A few days ago I became really sad that I was going. It's just 3 weeks. I'll be back before I have time to get homesick. When I started to think of the friends I was leaving behind, my friend's twin baby boys who are just starting to recognize me, the delicious foods, the night view of twinkling fishing boats on the Mediterranean Sea, and the many things that fill my life and heart, I began to feel sad. For a moment, I was 18 again and goodbye was forever.

I'm so thankful that is not the case this time. I know I'm coming back, or at least that is the plan. Then I catch myself grieving the losses I anticipate will happen early next year when I do leave for good. I don't want to go back to the US. I am just starting to feel like an adult who can do things on her own, or at the very least ask people to help me. I know my life here isn't only about enjoying myself but I'm not ready to give up the social life I've found does exist outside of unhealthy confines.

I watched several Blimey Cow episodes on YouTube this afternoon. They're parodies of Christian life, some of which are quite funny. One that caught my attention was talking about why Christians freak out about everything, or get stressed from small things. The sentence at the very end startled me. One guy was saying to the other guy, "I'm so stressed about my exam tomorrow!" The other guy replied, "But don't you have the answers in the book right in front of you?" The first guy sighed and said, "Yeah, but. . .I don't trust it."

I have to admit, I'm somewhat anxious about traveling across oceans and to large airports in the next couple of days. While I'm flying on a reputable airline to safe cities, recent history is making it clear that there are no guarantees of safety anymore. It's easy to get sucked into the hype of media and exist in a state of fear. I'm afraid of going. I'm afraid I won't come back.

Am I afraid I can't trust God too? Several small answered prayers last week have helped me see that God is aware of the minute details in my life. He's given the answers to my fear and anxiety right in the Bible. He's always with me, He will protect me, He will give me eternal life. I don't need to worry about tomorrow or even about today.

My sister said it must make God sad when we don't trust Him. It's as if we're saying, "I don't believe You are a real God or that You have the power to work miracles." I understand her point. I don't want to be the person who knows the information but doesn't know the Author. I want to learn to trust my Father and that He will keep me safe and place me in the habitation He has prepared for me (Acts 17:26). Not only in heaven but on this earth also.

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