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Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Was it Worth it?

Does the achievement of a goal signify it is no longer necessary for validation? I have a synthesis paper and a portfolio presentation standing between me and a graduate degree but in all honesty, I've lost the excitement, the feeling of achievement. For one terrifying moment I wonder if it was worth it. I'm not sure I know the answer.

Perhaps I should have traveled the world with the more than $20,000 I spent on tuition, fees, books, and travel. Would I have changed? But regret cannot be on the plate this time. I made a promise to myself that I would see something through, that I would complete my program without debt, and I achieved that goal.

So tonight I wrestle once more with words that refuse to express the change, remember the dull theory, or open up to the wonderment of learning. And yet I cannot say it was without point because while I now know I can complete doctoral studies, I realize it is no longer my desire to do so. I am weary of study. I want to experience life, not be tied down to its dictates.

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