"Sorry you are having difficulty. Please get help and try again later."
I was trying to log in to Audix and accidentally pressed the wrong button, so a disembodied voice kindly instructed me to get help and try again later. I chuckled at the thought, saved it in my drafts so I wouldn't forget the phrase, and then forgot about it till tonight.
When I opened up my unfinished post and read the single line, a slew of thoughts hit me. Unfortunately, it is also almost 11 pm and I've been trying to get to sleep earlier for about two weeks now with a very low success rate. So this will be short.
In the past eleven years I have learned one thing: it is that when you are having difficulties, are struggling, or facing challenges, you must face them on your own. You must not tell anyone, because then it will be passed around as "Did you know about so-and-so? Please pray for them because ______________." You must not let anyone know that you are struggling because that will ruin your Christian witness. You must not be honest about your experience, rather you must learn early how to be wise as a snake.
Well-known maxims include the following: Recognize that you are the only one to blame. Prayer will answer all problems. Your opinion is of no value. Your reality is only in your head. What you think doesn't matter; it's what I think that matters. Your actions reflect your character—spiritual performance is to be preferred over personal spirituality.
It's easier to talk the talk than walk the walk. Myself included.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
A Day In The Life. . .
This is officially my 100th post. Even though I started with every intention of faithfully blogging every day, life caught up and even this overachiever was unable to achieve that very high and lofty goal! So here I am, 7 months and 16 days after I first began blogging, and I'm about to write my hundredth post. Hmmmm, wonder how long it will take me to reach a thousand!!!
Today was rather uneventful. I finally had the luxury of sleeping in, which I took full advantage of, not prying my eyelids open till after 11 am. Then I got comfortable and began writing a paraphrase of The Lost Sheep, which occupied my time till Michael called for pickup from the Methodist church where they'd been having a choir performance. I spent most of the afternoon tidying and putting away boxes of stuff my mom happily unloaded on me last week, watched 4 episodes of Kitchen Confidential while I ate my lunch, washed my dishes, and went to a fundraising meeting for mission trip. After the meeting I finished seeding the last of a humongous box of grapes I bought at Costco two weeks ago (don't ask me why I'm buying fruit at Costco!), sliced another box of kiwis (also from Costco) and then boiled them down together with some sugar and cinnamon. I also fried up a tub of tofu so I'll have something interesting to eat tomorrow. I think I'm finally getting tired of ready-made pop-in-the-microwave meals (even though they are so convenient!). While doing all this, I watched Places in the Heart, an excellent true-to-life movie starring Sally Field, one of my favourite actresses of all time.
Hope it snows properly tomorrow.
Today was rather uneventful. I finally had the luxury of sleeping in, which I took full advantage of, not prying my eyelids open till after 11 am. Then I got comfortable and began writing a paraphrase of The Lost Sheep, which occupied my time till Michael called for pickup from the Methodist church where they'd been having a choir performance. I spent most of the afternoon tidying and putting away boxes of stuff my mom happily unloaded on me last week, watched 4 episodes of Kitchen Confidential while I ate my lunch, washed my dishes, and went to a fundraising meeting for mission trip. After the meeting I finished seeding the last of a humongous box of grapes I bought at Costco two weeks ago (don't ask me why I'm buying fruit at Costco!), sliced another box of kiwis (also from Costco) and then boiled them down together with some sugar and cinnamon. I also fried up a tub of tofu so I'll have something interesting to eat tomorrow. I think I'm finally getting tired of ready-made pop-in-the-microwave meals (even though they are so convenient!). While doing all this, I watched Places in the Heart, an excellent true-to-life movie starring Sally Field, one of my favourite actresses of all time.
Hope it snows properly tomorrow.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Ten Miles From The Nearest Sin. . .
Another full day at the Women of Faith Conference. Today I managed to drive the wrong-way on a one-way 3-lane street (thankfully traffic was light!). I was grateful that we were able to find free parking in a small plaza a block away from the Arena, so we didn't have to pay for parking on Sabbath.
These past couple of days have been exactly what my heart needed. Encouragement from like-minded Christian women who just want to share their personal testimony of how God has helped them through similar struggles and difficult times. Even stories of events that hadn't happened to me touched my heart because I could hear the sincerity of the women and I could see clearly how God had come close to them in their time of need.
We laughed, we cried, we sang, they clapped & danced (a little too jumpy for my stoic European upbringing!), and thousands of women listened in silence as God spoke to them through willing people.
It was a cultural experience for me in more ways than one. Generally, the music wasn't exactly my style, a little too much dancing and hopping up and down, but there were several songs that were mellow and heartfelt. The talks were deep and it was amazing to be with Christian women from around the world who were also seeking to know God better.
I was (unfortunately) surprised at how similar to me the presenters were. I've spent too much of my life in a closed system where "we are holier than everyone else," and "we don't struggle, and if we did, we wouldn't dare to share it because then we would be condemned," and "no one else has the truth like we do." It angers me to see the fallacies in these beliefs. The reality is that everyone is on equal footing before God, we all struggle, and there are earnest seekers in every church and every city.
No one is perfect, I know, but sometimes we tend to think we've bought the last tickets on that heavenly train and don't anyone dare to try to get one from us! That isn't what it's all about that. What it should be about is love. Call me liberal, shallow, a saved-by-grace person, but that is really what it is about. It's about God's love, how He shows it to us and how we can be His love to others.
Anita, Marilyn, Patsy, Lisa, Sheila, each of the women who spoke had a deep experience with God and you could see it on their faces and hear it in their voices. There was no judgement, no guilt, no condemnation, no self-righteousness. As I listened to the stories of love and healing, my heart was filled and my soul stilled.
I want to be like them. . .
These past couple of days have been exactly what my heart needed. Encouragement from like-minded Christian women who just want to share their personal testimony of how God has helped them through similar struggles and difficult times. Even stories of events that hadn't happened to me touched my heart because I could hear the sincerity of the women and I could see clearly how God had come close to them in their time of need.
We laughed, we cried, we sang, they clapped & danced (a little too jumpy for my stoic European upbringing!), and thousands of women listened in silence as God spoke to them through willing people.
It was a cultural experience for me in more ways than one. Generally, the music wasn't exactly my style, a little too much dancing and hopping up and down, but there were several songs that were mellow and heartfelt. The talks were deep and it was amazing to be with Christian women from around the world who were also seeking to know God better.
I was (unfortunately) surprised at how similar to me the presenters were. I've spent too much of my life in a closed system where "we are holier than everyone else," and "we don't struggle, and if we did, we wouldn't dare to share it because then we would be condemned," and "no one else has the truth like we do." It angers me to see the fallacies in these beliefs. The reality is that everyone is on equal footing before God, we all struggle, and there are earnest seekers in every church and every city.
No one is perfect, I know, but sometimes we tend to think we've bought the last tickets on that heavenly train and don't anyone dare to try to get one from us! That isn't what it's all about that. What it should be about is love. Call me liberal, shallow, a saved-by-grace person, but that is really what it is about. It's about God's love, how He shows it to us and how we can be His love to others.
Anita, Marilyn, Patsy, Lisa, Sheila, each of the women who spoke had a deep experience with God and you could see it on their faces and hear it in their voices. There was no judgement, no guilt, no condemnation, no self-righteousness. As I listened to the stories of love and healing, my heart was filled and my soul stilled.
I want to be like them. . .
Friday, December 4, 2009
A Grand New Day. . .
Just got back from the Friday evening meeting of the Sacramento Women of Faith "A Grand New Day" event at the Arco Arena. So far I've heard Stephen Arterburn, Marilyn Meburg, Sheila Walsh, and Patsy Clairmont, along with musicians Nicole Mullins and Mandisa. It's been a huge blessing so far (though the music does get a little loud at times!) and I'm looking forward to tomorrow's speakers. It has been awesome to be at a conference with thousands of other Christian women and to be enveloped in fellowship. One thing I learned this evening is that God has His people far and wide, in every country and every denomination, and that if you are a Christian, you will speak the same language.
Listening to these women share their testimonies of how God has been there in the hard times has encouraged me in a refreshing new way. I have been stuck far too long in silly petty things. I need to begin embracing the joy of God's presence in my life and letting go of all the "junk" I tend to accumulate. It's time to stop focusing on the things that irritate, annoy, and anger me, and start focusing on God's love and freedom in Him.
As Sheila Walsh so aptly put it, "Forgiveness is God's gift to us to help us live in a world that is not fair."
Listening to these women share their testimonies of how God has been there in the hard times has encouraged me in a refreshing new way. I have been stuck far too long in silly petty things. I need to begin embracing the joy of God's presence in my life and letting go of all the "junk" I tend to accumulate. It's time to stop focusing on the things that irritate, annoy, and anger me, and start focusing on God's love and freedom in Him.
As Sheila Walsh so aptly put it, "Forgiveness is God's gift to us to help us live in a world that is not fair."
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Unto Me (sung by Steve Green, word & music by Twila Paris)
I wanna be a godly man. Follow the call and follow Your plan. I wanna have the purest heart. I wanna be a burning spark. Lord I want to be like You. Tell me Lord, what must I do? And the answer came simple and so plain.
Chorus
Go and find your neighbor. Find a friend in need. Go and find a widow. There's a hungry child to feed. When you help the helpless, that is true Christianity. Whatever you've done to the least of these, you have done it unto Me.
I wanna be a faithful son. I wanna hear You say "well done". I wanna be a pleasing sight. I wanna shine a holy light. When I tell them about You, how will they believe the truth? And the answer came steady as the rain.
Chorus
Go inside the prison. Go behind the wall. Go and be a servant. There is none too great or small. Go pick up a hammer. Go and build a home. Go and take the sunshine to a heart that lives alone. When you help the helpless, that is true Christianity. Whatever you've done to the least of these, you have done it, you have done it unto Me. When you help a widow, you have done it unto Me.
When you help the helpless, that is true Christianity. You have done it, you have done it unto Me.
Chorus
Go and find your neighbor. Find a friend in need. Go and find a widow. There's a hungry child to feed. When you help the helpless, that is true Christianity. Whatever you've done to the least of these, you have done it unto Me.
I wanna be a faithful son. I wanna hear You say "well done". I wanna be a pleasing sight. I wanna shine a holy light. When I tell them about You, how will they believe the truth? And the answer came steady as the rain.
Chorus
Go inside the prison. Go behind the wall. Go and be a servant. There is none too great or small. Go pick up a hammer. Go and build a home. Go and take the sunshine to a heart that lives alone. When you help the helpless, that is true Christianity. Whatever you've done to the least of these, you have done it, you have done it unto Me. When you help a widow, you have done it unto Me.
When you help the helpless, that is true Christianity. You have done it, you have done it unto Me.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Casting Cares: Psalm 55:22
Woke from a very vivid dream last night, realizing the deadly battle that is being fought between righteousness and wickedness, and was struck by the knowledge that evil is a very real presence and force. As ever, I turned to my Bible for comfort and flipped through the pages of my compact fraying NIV. In times when you go to God for help, you do not trouble yourself with the version of the Bible and worry about whether a particular word is missing or something is translated differently from the original Greek. In those times, you cling to Him and to His word and you know that His word is truth.
I have a silent prayer request tonight. It is very close to my heart, and while I cannot speak more, I do know that God hears, not only my prayer, but the prayers of so many whose silent cries pierce the heavens. God has not promised that the right thing will always take place, but He has promised that He will sustain us through those gut-wrenching times and that He will never allow the righteous to fall. That is the promise we all can cling to. . .
I have a silent prayer request tonight. It is very close to my heart, and while I cannot speak more, I do know that God hears, not only my prayer, but the prayers of so many whose silent cries pierce the heavens. God has not promised that the right thing will always take place, but He has promised that He will sustain us through those gut-wrenching times and that He will never allow the righteous to fall. That is the promise we all can cling to. . .
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